Subj: Repair R Us
Date: 9/4/00

Hi All:
As you have noticed, things have been kind of quiet on the story front. I had thought of filling in the dead air by telling some humorous stories from when I worked with a family construction business. Believe me; you didn't have to go to a circus, we were a three ringer. (Don Lebentritt even E-mailed me to see if I was all right) But, I've decided to relate a brief time with Larry B.

Larry and family had decided some time ago to spend a few days vacationing in the Hershey, Pa area. Hoping that Larry would be able to pop over and say high during his brief stay, we managed to get together for a brief time. I had planned to show him some sights in the local area (keep in mind, local is within a 200 mile range), but he just wanted to hang out and avoid the ever so relaxing "being on the go every minute" vacation.
Larry showed up in the early afternoon and it was sure good to see someone from the club. He was interested in seeing my portable lift and other toys. Putting my Accord on the lift, I raised it most of the way up so that he would see how stable it was. I can't remember what I wanted to show him, but to put more light on the subject, I opened the overhead door and promptly bent my cell phone antenna forward. Now, before Miled gets too excited and sends me a "get even" E-mail for making fun of him bending his NSX antenna; this antenna is designed to pivot on the base. But, what I didn't count on was the antenna getting caught in the door reinforcements when I went to close it. So out comes the step ladder and I hold the antenna down while Larry shuts the door. After some more "car talk," I ask Larry if there is something he would like to do? (Now comes the real story) He wanted to know if there was a Home Depot around and if I would be interested in helping him with a project. "Sure, I'm always interested in helping someone else spend there money!" (If you don't believe me, as Peter Mills) Seems the clock/alarm on the stove they were using at the Inn went off and wouldn't reset. For some unknown reason, the process they chose to stop the alarm resulted in breaking the Plexiglas face plate on the stove (ahhhhh haaa? ......ask Larry). I think he anticipated my help, for he pulls out a piece of paper with exact dimensions to construct a new one. I check around the house but can't find a suitable piece, so we hop in his van and head for Home Depot. Even though we're engaged in conversation during the drive, I notice that he is doing 60 MPH in a 45 MPH zone that goes by the State Police HQ. Not wanting to interrupt the conversation (OK, wanting to see some smooth out-of-stater talk to get out of a speeding ticket), I stay quiet and before long we are at the store. I ask an employee where they hide the Plexiglas, and he escorts us to the location. I ask if he would cut the glass for us. Larry pulls out the paper with the dimensions and reads them as the worker makes the cuts. Larry looks at the cut piece and thinks it was cut crooked. Having not looked at the piece with my highly trained helicopter eyes, I wonder, "Could this new expensive machine be out of adjustment?" "Or, could old Larry be stepping in a depression with one foot and it is just an optical illusion?" Examination reveals that the machine is out of adjustment, so we select a new piece and head for home. I realize that Larry's future hangs with my ability to cut this piece of Plexiglas in a professional manner. He and I can feel this project turning into a story for the list, except this time, I am fast becoming the main character (the pressure is on me to do good).
Larry suggests using a utility knife to score the cut, than SNAP it; I have other plans. I decide to use the table saw. I have cut thicker Plexiglas by using a fine tooth saw blade installed backwards. I make a test cut in a piece of wood to confirm the setting. Larry agrees that it is set properly. The 8"x10" piece he bought is large enough to get two pieces out of it, so if we screw one up, we will have a second chance (I am practicing a favorite phrase, "I did a good job, or, WE screwed up"). I'm thinking by the time we are finished, the 4'x8' sheet may have been the better deal, but we must think positive. As I start to make the first cut, I notice some mild chipping taking place. Larry thinks the frame that holds the glass will hide any imperfections. I don't like it and look for a finer tooth blade. The test cut with the new blade is smooth and I turn around to show Larry the results, but he isn't where I expect to see him. He is standing several feet away trying not to become part of the sawing accident that is sure to happen. The only thing more he could have done was pile my junk up to have a fortified bunker! (thanks for the confidence Larry!.....or was he just being realistic) The cuts go smooth, I have all my fingers, and Larry has two plates that will fit.
Now we have to drill holes for the knobs. I decide to quit while I'm ahead and put the pressure on Larry by letting him drill the holes. I bring out my DeWALT ensemble, which includes a cordless drill with quick releases, a cordless circular saw, extra batteries, and a DeWALT construction radio that doubles as a battery charger (My son thinks I look like a DeWALT commercial). Larry does the drilling while I pass the bits in small increasing increments. The holes are starting to look big to him so he asks, "Are we at 3/8" yet?" "Nah, keep going," I reply. I can tell that my lack of concern and my shit-eaten grin make him nervous. After a couple more drill bits, he asks the same question, and I give him the same answer with a bigger grin. To ease his pain, I show him where the 3/8" drill is located in the drill index, and that we have a ways to go. The holes look smooth and the job is finished.

{I was expecting a call from Larry letting me know how the new face plate fit. "So Larry; did it fit, was the owner satisfied with our handy work, or were you cast out of Hershey to wander hopelessly until you paid for your sins, or some Biblical thing like that?"}

Larry was curious about my Bilstein shocks so I took him for a ride over the dreaded Gold Mine Road (translation of our conversation will be contained in parentheses).

[LG] "Do you want to wear the 3 pt. or 4 pt. harness?" (Do you want a wuss ride or a spirited ride?)
[LB] "I think I'll try the 4 pt." (I don't trust you!, I'm putting on the 4 pt)
[LG] "I'll drive first and then let you drive on the way back" (I want to show you how great I am.)
[LB] "It seems different sitting on this side of the car." (Please don't kill me, I have a wife and kids!)
[LB] "This will probably be a story, Pulling Gs with Larry G." (Mental note: funny thoughts help relieve stress)

As we reach Gold Mine Rd.

[LG] "The reason I'm slowing down is to get some distance between us and the slow cars" (Bet he's thinking he should have brought a clean set of underwear?)
[LB] no response (I knew it, he's going to kill me!)
[LG] "I'll just turn the traction control off." (Note: button also turns off sane driving style)
[LB] no response (Hail Mary full of grace........)

As we are starting to accelerate towards a sharp curve

[LG] "This is the spot where the car went a little sideways" (I wonder if I can do it again?)
[LB] "It doesn't take long to catch up to the other cars." (I'm glad someone is watching out for me)
[LG] "Ya, I know." "I can't get up to speed" (@$^^%%$@#)
[LG] "If the corner advisory sign says 15 MPH, it means it." (Bet I can get at least 25 MPH)

We get to the end of the road and Larry and I swap seats. I tell him that my clutch takes up high, we buckle in and start back over the mountain.

[LB] "It takes up where mine does." as he starts to accelerate (Pay back time!)
[LG] "Can you tell the difference between my car and yours?" (singing in my head: My car's better than your car)
[LB] "I can't tell, we haven't been going fast enough." (But I can remedy that!)
[LG] "Here comes the first sharp corner" (Slow down!)
[LB) no response (Quiet wuss boy)

starting to get light rain

[LB] "I don't want to push it too hard because of the rain" (I don't trust your car)
[LG] no response (someone is watching out for me)

Larry is hugging the inside of the corners I suspect for two reasons: 1) Because it lets you use the whole road to maneuver. 2) Because most drivers cut to the inside of the curve when driving inferior cars to reduce the sensation of being out of control. I'm more concerned about hitting tree limbs that extend out into the road; AND those pesky animals that seem to lurk in the ditch waiting to test my abilities. It is obvious that we are driven by different experiences in life. I just hope Larry doesn't slip into that motivated driving style know as "What the heck, It's just a rental!"
We get home safe, sound, and unscathed (secretly consoling ourselves) and it's time for Larry B. to head back to Hershey.
[LG] "Good by old friend, come back again." (funny, I haven't seen or heard from him sense?)
Larry G.
PS. Don L.: Are you sure you want to come visit before you call Larry B. :-))